You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
