I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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