it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
