well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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