No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is Oprah even human
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
