I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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