I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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