i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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