With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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