then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
