so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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