oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
