Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
