Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
