Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
