I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
