thus making me awesome and them whores
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
