How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
