All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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