so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
