You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
