I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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