You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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