i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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