Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
