I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
