Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
