You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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