I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
