We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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