I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
