Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
