Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
