kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
