Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
