I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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