You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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