Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
