i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
