I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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