I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
