I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
