I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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