Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
