It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
