never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We have started to decorate penises.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
