I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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