brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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