One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
