This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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