Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are we still banned from the library?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
