dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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